Think Positive 7 Ideas That Really Work

1. teach yourself a lesson

REFRAMING IS A BASIC TECHNIQUE favored by optimism experts.The goal, says psychologist Karen Nesbitt Shanor, is to find something positive in a sad or stressful situation—a job dismissal, say, or an Injury or divorce—by figuring out what you gained from the experience, not just what you lost. Ask yourself, What does getting fired tell me about myself and others? Maybe you weren't interested in your work and you hated your commute. Maybe spending more time with your chil-dren has replaced your career as your top priority.Or maybe you need to work on your people skills. Don't ignore the negatives; do try to learn from them without dwelling on them too long.

2. interrupt negative thoughts

A QUICK WAY TO GET out of a pessimistic frame of mind is to force your-self to think about something else. Say you're stuck in traffic—a situa-tion that frequently triggers a cascade of self-flagellation. ("I'm always late; I'm so disorganized; I never do anything right.") Before you give in to mopiness, look out the window and notice the passengers in the oth-er cars. Make a mental list of people to invite to your parents' anniver-sary party. Or do as psychologist Margaret Chesney does and relive a favorite memory in exquisite detail, right down to the colors, smells,and spoken words.The idea isn't necessarily to think"positive"thoughts, but rather to stop the bullying ones from attacking.

3. set realistic goals

ACCORDING TO THE WORK OF psychologist Michael Scheier and his col-leagues, positive thinkers have learned the art of meeting objectives and,when they fail,of readjusting goals so they become more attainable. Succeeding at what you set out to do improves confidence and gives a sense of control (duh);the key is to pick goals that are achievable, or else you might end up reinforcing your feelings of impotence. Begin with something simple, like your daily to-do list. Make chores specific and manageable—instead of "clean the garage,"try "put away tools," "move boxes,"and so on.And keep the list short—five things you know you can accomplish instead of 20 wishes and good intentions. Next, start breaking down larger goals and problems in the same way ("have more fun" might become "go to the movies once a week" and "invite friends for dinner").

4. be good to yourself

TREATING YOURSELF TO THE things you love isn't an indulgence, says Greg Hicks, coauthor of How We Choose to Be Happy-it's essential to building confidence, regulating your moods, and gaining a sense of power over your life. His suggestion: Grab a sheet of paper and spend two minutes writing down absolutely everything that brings you plea-sure.Your list can include anything:a roomful of freshly cut flowers, attending the theater, reading the newspaper over coffee,traveling to Italy.Then make a point of trying to do at least one thing on your list every day Keep in mind that intention is part of the process of taking control; don't just do something because it's habitual or easy do it because you want to.

5. go digging for silver

SEEING THE BRIGHT SIDE IS hard if you don't understand what you're looking for. Personal coach Cheryl Richardson, author of the just-published Life Makeovers, has a simple trick for training yourself to rec-ognize those precious glimmers of silver: In a journal or notebook, describe at least one positive thing that happens every day, no matter how bleak and trying that day has been. Even something as simple as preparing a delicious lunch is worth noting and appreciating.On days when something especially great happens, Richardson likes to dog-ear the page, so she can refer to it easily when she's blue. Similarly, Hicks suggests taking a daily"appreciation time-out,"especially when something isn't going well—say, during a heated argument with your teenager or when a friend cancels dinner plans.The situation becomes less irritating or disappointing if you step back and force yourself to relish some part of it: your daughter's intelligence and feistiness or the unexpected gift of two entire hours to spend as you choose.

6. be glad it’s not worse

HOW DOES THE DALAI LAMA stay so serene? Heaven knows, but accord-ing to psychologist Susan Vaughan, one trick he's mastered is "down-ward comparison." When you're feeling low, try thinking of someone even unluckier than you are—not to gloat, Vaughan stresses, but to gain a new perspective on your situation (and maybe a new under-standing about how to cope). In one study, subjects were given a sen-tence to complete five times: either "I'm glad I'm not a ..."or "I wish I were a...." Afterward, those who reflected on their good fortune expressed more satisfaction with their lives than the whiners did.
7. fake it
GUESS WHAT: SMILING WHEN you feel bad makes you feel better. In fact, merely moving your mouth into the shape of a smile—say, by holding a pen between your teeth—can lift your mood, researchers say.The point: One quick way to cheer up is to pretend to yourself and to oth-ers that you're just fine.When you're blue, skip Mozart's Requiem and rock to "La Vida Loca."Grin at strangers at the store; be extra polite to the cabbie."Project the mood that you want to get back," Vaughan urges."Never underestimate how contagious moods are between people. Often others will react and be nice back to you."