10 Questions You Should Never Ask (8-10)

8. "When are you getting married?”

And "when are you going to have a baby?" - these are not things to ask. Either she's happily single (or partnered), or secretly longing for a proposal. Recall the 'smug marrieds' in Bridget Jones and bite your tongue. Subtle inference, not blunt questioning, is the path of least offence. As to the baby question - the worst case scenario: how would you feel if she said, "I can't have a baby"? If you must ask, don't be brazen. Start a general debate about having a family - her contribution is an excellent gauge of her attitude to children.

9. “How old are you?/How old do I look?”

The coy "How old do you think I am?" is to be avoided at all costs if you wish to retain any dignity. You're only asking so you can crow when they say 34 and you're 42. Your smugness is far more likely to goad them to say, "You must be at least 46" (when you're 37), or provoke gossipy speculation about 'work' you've had done. If you're well-preserved, be grateful and keep quiet. Approach the age issue with caution. Your grandmother was right: you should never ask a lady her age. But, by a process of deduction from available evidence (is she married/partnered? Any children? Where is she in her career?) you can arrive at a ballpark (30 to 35, 40 to 50). Then slyly introduce age into the conversation, or try to get her to reveal telltale snippets: "But you must have left university at least ten years after I did", "Do you remember when BBC was only on air until midnight?"

10.”How often do you have sex?”

There are two reasons for asking this question - either you want to brag about your own stupendou9ly exciting sex life, or - more likely - your bedroom action is fairly lacklustre/infrequent/ unexciting and you're seeking reassurance that everyone else's is the same. That said, most of us, secretly, want to know who's doing what, how often and with whom. If you really want to know, you can either rely on that good old-fashioned conversational lubricant - alcohol - or you can yield information and hope that the response is suitably revealing. If, for instance, you say, "We're only sleeping together twice a month," and the reaction is a heartfelt "Oh, how awful," she's probably doing it more often than you are. However, she might also reply, "God, don't worry. Our sex life has gone into permanent hibernation since the kids were born," which is similarly edifying. You do, however, have to consider that she might be lying. After all, would you tell someone the whole truth about your sex life?