10 Questions You Should Never Ask (4-7)

4. “When’s the baby due?”

Never, ever assume you're on safe ground with this one, even if you know she is happily partnered and she has that mummy-to-be glow. This is no guarantee that she is with child and is very possibly simply carrying a bit of extra weight. The offence can be further compounded if she's actually trying for a baby: not only have you told her she's looking on the podgy side, you've also reminded her she's not yet pregnant when she very much wants to be. If you really must know, there are more subtle ways to enquire. Try mentioning mutual friends who are pregnant or have recently given birth. Ponder how "we're at that stage". See if she cracks. If she wants to tell you, she will.

5. "Who do you vote for?"

Enquiring which box your friends cross on polling day is still a tenuous topic. Your vote reveals an awful lot about you and how you choose to live - hence why we want to know. Fortunately, there's no need to prostrate yourself on the altar of public humiliation, simply adopt a process
of deduction: drop various key topics into conversation (try education and income tax for starters). Even the most lacklustre Miss Marples should be able to deduce the political leanings of their friends. To kick-start the discussion, you could always try the burning question of the moment: David Cameron - would you?

6. "Did you , have an epidural?"

Childbirth has ever been subject to the tides of opinion and this has become a very loaded question. The pressure to be the kind of mother who purées organic vegetables, reads Le Petit Prince (in French) and has a 36-hour labour with no pain relief bar yogic breathing is so great that asking a mother if she "caved in" and had an epidural/elective Caesarean can be seen as a judgement. Especially in the early, hormonal, post-birth days: would you want to be asked? Your best bet here is empathy Discuss your pain relief, or a friend who had to have a Caesarean for the health of her baby.

7. "Have you had surgery?"

Unless she returns from a holiday in Brazil looking 15 years younger, good cosmetic surgery can be tricky to detect. Then there's Botox - isn't her brow looking suspiciously smooth? If you're convinced, the fastest route to revelation is good old-fashioned flattery. Gasp and declare she looks amazing, what's her secret? Though there is a risk she will just smile secretively, insisting it's down to liberal use of Crème De La Mer. If the curiosity gets too much, throw yourself upon her mercy: you're thinking of surgery, can she, or 'a friend', recommend a good cosmetic surgeon? Hope solidarity breeds confession.