Honey, Have We Got Sex Advice For You

What, you think you kids invented sex? Here, priceless counsel from ladies who've lived and done the deed for decades.

Let's play a quick round of word association. When you think "grandma," what pops into your head? Kindness, crockery and Christmas checks, right? Here's what doesn't come to mind: canoodling, caressing and multiple climaxes. But when you think about it and clearly, we at Glamour love to think about stuff like this who better to ask about how to have a satisfying sex life than women who've been making love for two or three times as long as you've been alive? They've been through a lot, made some mistakes and learned a thing or 30. Here's what they have to tell you:

Speak, woman!
"I think it's the woman's fault if she doesn't tell a man what pleases her," says Marjorie Gilmore, 74, a Venice, Florida, widow who remarried 39 years ago. "When people ask me why Mr Gilmore and I are so happy sexually, I say that we tell each other what we like, where it feels good, and go from there."

Go for quality, not quantity
"These days, 13-year-old kids must think, Gosh, what am I missing?" says Adele Lyttle, 79, of Glen Cove, New York. "Sex is now thrown at kids very young, but if there's no love involved, then it's jut an act that means nothing. I never had to deal with that. Barney was the one man for me, and we've been married for 55 years. I was a Radio City Rockette, so I had plenty of offers from other men. I was a big flirt but never did anything more. I left a few guys panting."


Don't bring body-image problems into bed
"Don't worry about every freckle or dimple or whether your eyebrows grow in faster than your girlfriend's," advises Gilmore. "I had a mastectomy five years ago, and a lot of women feel unglamorous after the surgery, but not me. And my husband has never been turned off. Self-esteem comes from within, so there's no point in being self-conscious."

Barter with him
"To get him to do something you want in bed, bribe him," says Ena Hanna, a widow in her late sixties from New York City. "When I wanted something special from my husband, I'd do something special. That motivated him to reciprocate. I never had any complaints."

Love yourself first
"Have sex with someone when you're feel-ing self-assured in your life and strong with him," advises Tina Smith, 65, an artist from New York City. "If you have a sense of self, you're not going to rely on your partner to make you feel good about yourself but instead will just enjoy him. There's a big difference. If a woman is living for a man, then she's going to lose him. That's a responsibility no man really wants."

Only do what you dig
"The idea that you have to do what a man wants sexually or he'll look for it elsewhere is baloney!" says Elsie Neidenberg, 83, a divorcée from New York City. "When a man strays, it's for many other reasons sex is not going to keep him from doing it. I don't think a woman should do anything special in bed to keep a man. She should enjoy sex, though! If she's having sex because she feels she has to, then that's no fun for anyone, is it?"

Find your comfort zone
"Sex is important, but it doesn't stand up there as the peak of my life," says Clarice Olinger, 75, of Basking Ridge, New Jer-sey. "It's a way of expressing affection. Sex in books and movies is always earthshattering, with fireworks. The problem with this image is that it gives the idea that sex will solve all your problems. It leaves people wondering, What's the matter with me if my sexual experience isn't like that? Especially in a long marriage, sex becomes a familiar habit, but that's good too."

Expect respect
"My granddaughter was asked out by a nice man," recalls Ruth Dietrich, 90, of New York City. "The next day, she called me and said, 'Nana, I couldn't believe it he walked me to my door, kissed my hand and said, "May I call you again?" He never even attempted to come in. He courted her for almost a year, and now they're happily married with three children. That's so beautiful, and it so seldom happens."

Have meaningful sex
"I don't recommend promiscuity, and I can speak from experience," says Natalie Stanton, 69, of Eastham, Massachusetts, who has been happily married for 39 years. "After my first brief marriage fell apart, I slept with men I didn't really care about. But it's not necessarily bad to have sex with someone you don't intend to marry. I had good friends who, when I was desper-ately lonely and unhappy, would come over to make love. That can be a beautiful, comforting thing if it's mutual."